Take My Past And Take My Sins
by thekatthatbarks
Summary: "You look like you haven't slept in months, Kakashi." Before he could respond, her hands went down to his waist and she tugged at the hem of his pants. Unsurprisingly, there was slack. "And you've lost weight." A thought crossed her mind, making her blood go cold as she realized. She cut him off with a glare, "You picked up the mask again, didn't you?" Inspired by Heal by Tom Odell
1. The Sound Of A Thousand Birds

AN: Trigger warning: PTSD, blood

Sakura was panting, her breaths coming hard and fast. She felt like her leg was broken and might have a couple of fractured ribs. Her enemy had been a weapons user like Tenten and Sakura was covered in cuts across her skin. None of them seemed too deep, though, so she first focused on healing her leg. She almost fell to the ground from the pain and she bit her lip to keep from screaming. Mending bones was never a pleasant experience even if it was better than waiting for them to heal on their own. Her chakra felt low, but it was enough for her to mend her leg and help Kakashi if he needed it. Last time she had caught a glimpse of him in his own fight, he had been holding his own. Just moments ago, she'd heard a scream and the sound of a thousand birds. She knew he'd won.

He was a ways away from her and wasn't in her sight anymore. But she could feel his chakra and it was just about as low as hers. He was fine. She let out a sigh of relief and headed in his direction. Her feet dragged across the earth and her limbs felt sore as she forced them to move. She stumbled through some more trees and bush and finally found him.

Kakashi was standing in the middle of the small clearing staring down at his hands. He was incredibly still and for a second Sakura's heart stopped, thinking something was seriously wrong with him. She flared her chakra and crept slowly towards him so she wouldn't catch him off guard. But Kakashi didn't even glance in her direction, his body giving no sign that he even knew she was there.

She was just a few paces away from him when she saw it. His body had looked frozen from a distance, but she could see now that he was shaking. His shoulders shook and his fingers trembled as he stared down at them. Only his legs were still and from how much of a panic he seemed to be in, it surprised her that his knees hadn't given out. He looked like he was in a state of shock.

When she reached him, he still didn't look at her. She glanced at the body of the enemy kunoichi on the ground. Her body was covered in blood, a gaping hole in her chest and her eyes wide and white. It made Sakura sick to her stomach and she tore her eyes away and back to Kakashi. She would never get used to seeing corpses like that, even if they _were_ enemies. And a part of her hoped she never did.

She reached out a hand towards him, trying to keep it in his line of sight. But Kakashi still didn't look at her. She wasn't even a foot away from him. _Did he really know she was there?_ What if she had been an enemy nin? The thought frightened her, knowing how easy it would be to take Kakashi out. But she told herself – probably a lie – that Kakashi was somewhat aware it was _her_. Even if not, his reflexes from years of being a shinobi would kick in and he'd be able to defend himself against an attack.

She rested her hand on his arm, speaking softly, "Kakashi?"

Kakashi flinched away from her and he looked up at her with wide and terrified eyes. She could tell it took a second for him to process who she was, to take him away from whatever he was thinking. She met his eyes and didn't make a move to touch him again. "Kakashi?"

He looked away from her and his breathing slowed back to normal from the quick short breaths he had been taking. His eyes wandered across the clearing and landed on the dead woman. Sakura watched as he closed his eyes and swallowed. When he opened them again, he looked down at his hands.

Sakura looked with him., her heart rate speeding up from the anxiety. She had never seen Kakashi like this. In all the years she had known him, from him being her sensei to them fighting in a war. He had never looked so… _scared_. His hands seemed fine, no broken bones from what she could deduce without touching them. They were covered in blood, though. She glanced back at Kakashi's face as he tried to take his gloves off with trembling fingers.

She could recognize PTSD when she saw it. She had always known he had it. A lot of shinobi did and with him having been in ANBU, it would have been more concerning if he didn't. Sakura reached her hands out and stopped his fingers gently. Kakashi's hands stilled in hers, but she could still feel how they shook in her hands even as he tried to will them to stop.

Sakura took a tentative step forward as she carefully took the gloves off of his hands. They were soaked in blood, but she forced herself not to cringe at the smell. She was a medic and a shinobi, she was used to it. But she focused even more so than usual on not showing any expressions of disgust or fear.

She opened her pouch on her thigh and slipped the gloves inside so she could clean them later. When she looked back to Kakashi, he was watching her with an emotion she couldn't determine. She gave him a soft smile and asked him, "Do you have any injuries?"

Kakashi shook his head and looked back down at his hands. He tried to move them to his sides, but Sakura caught them in hers. Kakashi winced, but didn't pull away from her. She ran her thumbs over the rough skin, tainted by blood. "Do your hands hurt?"

He let out a shaky breath, "No."

Sakura's hands glowed green and sent her chakra through him anyways. She found cut after cut on right hand and wrist. It took her by surprise for a moment, but then she could see the pale scars and knew what they were from. A few more wouldn't make much of a difference. But she healed them anyway.

Kakashi's voice was quiet as he spoke, "Those are from…"

She nodded before he could finish his sentence. "Using your chidori. I know. They're cuts from your hand going through someone's chest, the rib bones cutting at you."

Kakashi didn't say anything in response and Sakura reached into her knapsack for the water bottle she knew she'd packed away. She took it out and uncapped the lid, feeling Kakashi's eyes on her. She grabbed his hands and let the water stream slowly over him as she rubbed away at the blood. Kakashi was silent through the whole ordeal and by the time she had run out of water, Kakashi's hands were a faint pink instead of the morbid red they had been.

When she looked up at him, she dropped his hands gently. She gave him a smile as he stared at her with an unreadable expression. He still looked shaken to her, but he was getting a handle on himself. It made Sakura want to reach out for him, but she didn't want to overstep more than she had. Kakashi wasn't one to be open about his past or how he was feeling. Sakura knew that and she didn't want to say something to make him push her at an even farther distance. She didn't want him to close himself off from her, become cold and distant.

Sakura had checked earlier when she was mending the cuts on his hands and Kakashi hadn't been lying to her. He didn't have any injuries outside of a few bruises. Sakura stepped to the side, glancing at him. "The targets have been eliminated. We can head back tomorrow morning after recovering tonight. We're both low on chakra."

It took him a moment, but he nodded and began to walk alongside her. They had walked a few feet before he asked her, his voice coming out more steady than earlier, "Were you injured?"

Sakura nodded and she raised her hand to her left side. Her hand glowed green and she gasped at the pain as the bone mended. She could feel Kakashi looking at her worriedly as they walked, but she didn't meet his eyes. After a couple of minutes, she moved her hand away and answered the unasked question, "I had a broken leg and a couple of fractured ribs."

She could practically feel the disapproval rolling off of Kakashi and she knew it was from her healing his hands before her ribs. She waited for the scolding because he never missed a chance to tell her to take care of herself before him. But it never came. Sakura chalked it up to him not even wanting to mention the incident in the clearing.

Then, he proved her right by never bring it up the rest of the mission. She knew if he wanted to talk about it, he would. But besides a small glimmer of hope, she hadn't expected him to. She cleaned his gloves in the river while she was on watch that night. Once they were back to their normal shade of blue, she set them out to dry by the fire and slipped them into his pack before he woke up.

Sakura was wrapped up in the hospital over the next few weeks, busy training the new medic nin. So, she hadn't seen much of Kakashi until he came by two months after their mission. She looked at him in surprise when she walked into the room. He was laying comfortably on the bed reading his Icha Icha. When he saw her he smiled at her and she smiled back in response. "Kakashi? Surprise seeing you here. You don't look chakra depleted, so what is it? You never come in here on your own."

Kakashi gave her a mock guilty look and shrugged as he sat up. He tucked his book away in his pouch and told her, "I broke a few ribs on my mission and might have dislocated my shoulder."

Sakura walked over to him with a raised eyebrow. She went to work healing him and asked, "That's it? Usually you would try and rest that sort of thing off."

"Hokage's orders."

Sakura nodded knowingly and chuckled, "Well, that explains it."

Kakashi met her eyes as she moved her hands to his shoulder. "It's not that bad. I have a good friend who works here. She used to be my student. Has bright pink hair. She'd kind of sweet on me, so I don't mind coming by if she's my medic."

Sakura felt a blush on her cheeks as she smiled and focused her attention on his shoulder. "Oh yeah? Maybe I know her."

"Maybe," he replied in a soft voice, making Sakura look back at his face.

Then, she noticed the dark circles under Kakashi's eyes. Her smile faded and her eyes ran down his body. He even looked like he had lost weight, which wasn't a good thing. He wasn't standing, but she could tell his pants hung a bit loosely on his waist. She frowned and met his eyes. "Kakashi, you look terrible."

Something flashed in his eyes, but then it was gone before she could catch it. He smiled at her, crinkling his eyes. "Mah, Sakura-chan, you need to work on your bedside manner."

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him, not wanting him to play it off like he always did. Her hands came up to his face. "You look like you haven't slept in _months_ , Kakashi." Before he could respond, her hands went down to his waist and she tugged at the hem of his pants. Unsurprisingly, there was slack. " _And_ you've lost weight."

"Sakura –" Kakashi started, grabbing the hand that was at his pants.

A thought crossed her mind, making her blood go cold as she realized. She cut him off with a glare, "You picked up the mask again, didn't you?"

Kakashi frowned and told her, "At the Hokage's request."

Sakura stepped away from him and held her hands out. "But you could have _refused_!"

Kakashi stood up and she could see a flicker of that something again in his eyes. "Sakura, I'm a _shinobi_ and you are too. This is what I do. You should understand."

"ANBU is _different_ ," she argued, her voice rising, "This isn't about your _duty_. You serve the village enough as a jounin. You don't have to give any more than that! You already _have_. You've served long enough for ANBU! _Twice_."

Kakashi took another step towards her and he was only inches away from her. His hands grabbed her arms and he looked into her eyes. She could tell he was trying to placate her and it pissed her off. She wasn't a kid anymore and wouldn't let him treat her like one. She wasn't being unreasonable. "Tsunade-sama _asked_ me to, Sakura. And she promised it won't be long. Some things…just need to be sorted out.'

She glared at him and bit out, "Someone else can do it."

Kakashi's eyes widened a little in surprise. He probably hadn't expected her to feel so strongly about it. But he continued to try and reason with her. "I have more years of experience. It's better to send me than a fresh rank."

"They're not all kids, Kakashi!" _Was he even hearing what he was saying?_ "There _are_ more people with experience like you _already_ in ANBU. You don't have to go back."

Kakashi sighed and he looked down at the floor. Sakura's anger boiled in her veins. _He wasn't even taking her seriously._ "Shishou would understand if you decided to stop. She has plenty of other ANBU she could send! You don't have to do this. It doesn't have to be _you_."

Kakashi looked up at her and his eyebrows pulled together. He asked her, "Why are you fighting this so hard?"

Sakura bit her tongue, the reply ready to shoot out of her mouth. She knew why and then there was an even _deeper_ reason beneath that one. But she couldn't tell him. She couldn't do that to him. Then, he really wouldn't quit just to prove her wrong. It was the kind of idiotic thing he would do, some sort of _pride_.

She gestured to his body. "Look at what it's doing to you. You're sleep deprived and have probably been living off of soldier pills! You're going to collapse."

Kakashi's hands came up to her face and his expression was softer than before. But it was the kind of expression that told her she had lost the fight before she had even opened her mouth. "Sakura, like I said, I have _experience_. I'm not going to collapse. So, stop worrying."

"Kakashi – " she began and even to her it sounded like she'd lost her anger and turned into more of a plea.

Kakashi moved even closer to her and she could feel his breath on her skin through his mask. In the back of her mind, she knew she would probably be blushing and have her heart beating out of rhythm. But there were too many terrifying thoughts racing through her head to focus on those kind of emotions.

She brought her hands up to his and stared into his eyes with determination. She wished he would just listen to her, _just this once_.

"Sakura." Kakashi's voice came out thick and smooth. She tried to concentrate on it instead of the image of Kakashi's bloodied hands flashing behind her eyes. "You're very important to me. We're friends, very _good_ friends and I love you. But this…this isn't any of your concern."

Sakura felt her heart break at the last sentence, not even paying any mind to the other words. Before she even realized it, Kakashi was slipping out of her hold and heading for the door. She reached for his hand and caught it as his hand rested on the door handle. " _Kakashi_."

Kakashi looked back to her and then down at her hand in his. He smiled, but it wasn't the kind of smile that made her heart melt. This one was heartbroken and sad. "My hands are really different from yours, you know. Yours _heal_ , fix things that are broken, and save people. And mine…have never done that and probably can't."

Before she could reply, he met her eyes again and smiled that fake cheerful smile. "Don't worry about me, Sakura-chan. I'll be fine."

Then, he was gone.

Sakura stared at the closed door, the bustle of medics and the beeping of monitors in the hallway the only thing she could hear. She was vaguely aware of tears running down her face. She blinked them away and swiped at her face with her hands.

She burst through the doors to the Hokage's office, not bothering to knock like she usually would. Anger from hours ago had rekindled with each step that she'd taken to the Hokage Tower and she could feel the killing intent rolling off her in waves. People hastily moved out of her way and the guards eyes her cautiously.

Tsunade looked up at her in shock and annoyance, "Hey! Brat, what do you think you're doing charging through my door like that?"

Sakura stalked up to the desk, glaring at the woman whom she'd grown to seen as a mother figure. But those feelings were hard to reach, overpowered with the anxiety clawing at her. "How could you put Kakashi back on ANBU?" she yelled at her.

Tsunade's eyes widened and her eyebrow twitched in anger. She didn't like being spoken to that way and for good reason. She _was_ the Hokage, but Sakura didn't care about damn titles at the moment. " _Excuse me_?"

Sakura tried to reel in some of her anger and control her voice, still feeling respect for the woman across from her. "Kakashi's served long enough for ANBU. You don't need him. Ask someone else."

Tsunade stood up from her chair and Sakura barely registered Shizune shifting nervously a few feet away. Tsunade glowered at her and Sakura knew from years apprenticing under the woman that she was probably moments away from a _hard_ hit. Tsunade had never hit her out of anger before, but Sakura had also never stepped out of line like she was.

Sakura didn't know if it was because her voice _had_ lowered since she came in or because of the bond she had with Tsunade. But Tsunade's temper cooled as she looked at her and she spoke clearly, "I do need Kakashi, Sakura. He's the perfect choice for the kinds of missions I'm sending him on. He has experience and skill. He –"

Sakura interrupted her, speaking hotly, "Kakashi isn't the only capable shinobi in Konoha. I know you can send someone else, you just won't."

" _Sakura_!" Shizune scolded her, but Sakura didn't even glance her way, her eyes glued to Tsunade. Tsunade sat down in her chair, waving a hand to Shizune.

She looked up at Sakura and gestured for her to continue.

"Kakashi can't handle this," Sakura told her what she couldn't tell the man himself hours earlier. "His PTSD is too bad. I've seen how it affects him. It's only going to get worse. Have you even looked at him lately? He looks like hell."

Tsunade looked away from her. "That's why I sent him to you earlier."

Sakura glared at her. _She knew._ "And I'll tell you what I told him. That he doesn't have to go back and the missions will do just fine without him."

Tsunade glanced at her. "Yeah? And what did he say?"

Sakura didn't reply, biting her cheek. Tsunade stared at her for a moment and then shook her head with a sigh. "Sakura, almost every shinobi battles with PTSD and me holding Kakashi back form ANBU isn't going to make his go away. He's had it long before and he knows how to cope with it. This is the world we live in. If I refused to send every shinobi with PTSD out on missions, then there would be _no_ missions."

Sakura knew where Tsunade was coming from and she was right. But that's not what this was about. This wasn't about any shinobi with PTSD, this was _Kakashi_. "I know that, but that's not the point! And you aren't _holding him back_ , you're sending him into it! There's more stable and skilled shinobi you can replace him with. What if Kakashi's PTSD gets the best of him? What if because of it the missions fail?"

Tsunade looked down at her desk, unable to meet Sakura's eyes as she said, "That's a risk I'm willing to take. Sakura, I _need_ Kakashi for this. I know he can get the job done and get it done _right_ and fast."

Sakura had known she wasn't going to change Tsunade's mind when she walked over here. But that hadn't stopped her from trying. It also didn't stop the anger that was rising inside her. She gripped the desk and leaned over meeting her old master's eyes. "If this _kills_ him, I will _never_ forgive you."

Tsunade's eyes widened the slightest fraction and she saw hurt there. But she couldn't take the words back no matter how much they were cutting at her too. She cared about Tsunade, she loved the woman deeply. She was like another mother to her. But that was a promise and she would keep it even if she didn't want to. Tsunade could listen to her. Sakura knew that Kakashi wasn't so unique that another shinobi couldn't pick up his job and finish it for him. But Tsunade was set in stone because the missions were too important for her to let the possibility of them succeeding drop.

"Kakashi's strong." Tsunade tried to assure her, tried to calm the anger in Sakura's eyes. She gave her a small smile. "He'll make it through this. He'll come back alive."

Sakura pulled away from her, meeting her eyes one last time. Her voice was quiet and she shook her head. "That's not what I meant." Then, she stepped out of the office, shutting the door softly behind her. But to Tsunade the click of the door closing was too loud.

As soon as Sakura was gone, Shizune looked at Tsunade in outrage. "I can't believe she acted like that! That's so not like her!"

Tsunade turned away from her and stood up, stepping towards the window. She looked down at the streets watching Sakura walk in the direction of her apartment. The anger that she had just seen was gone and Sakura was running her hands through her hair. Her walk was slow and she had her arms wrapped around herself. It reminded Tsunade of when Sakura was little, just a small girl. But Sakura was far from that little girl. She's grown into a strong woman and Tsunade could almost see the weight that was on her shoulders as the kunoichi walked. Tsunade felt a sense of pride watching her, especially after seeing her fearlessly yell at her in her own office. Sakura was strong, probably stronger than Tsunade ever was.

Tsunade sighed with a small smile, "Don't be mad at her."

"Lady Tsunade –"

"I would've reacted the same way." When Sakura was out of her sight, she turned back to her desk and sat down. She chuckled as she searched through a drawer for her sake, "Kami, you'd think she _was_ my daughter with that temper of hers that she inherited from me."

Shizune didn't even comment as Tsunade poured herself a glass. "About what Sakura said –"

Tsunade waved the sentence off with her hand. "Don't worry, Shizune. Sakura doesn't - and _won't_ hate me. I wish I _could_ drop Kakashi, but I can't even think of someone I could send instead. Someone that has all the same skillsets and I'm sure won't fuck it up because of inexperience. Sakura will understand eventually. She's just scared and worried right now. She needs time to work things out with Kakashi. It will clear her head and she'll get a better grip on her emotions."

Shizune quirked an eyebrow at her, trying to follow. "Work what out?"

"Probably a lot things," Tsunade answered her vaguely, taking a drink from her glass. She met Shizune's eyes and watched as the realization dawned on her. Her shoulders relaxed and she had a sad smile.

Tsunade swiveled her chair towards the window and looked over the people wandering the streets. "They'll work it out and it'll be good for the both of them, especially Kakashi."

"How can you be so sure?"

Tsunade smirked around the rim of her glass. "Because I'd bet on it."


	2. A Nightmare And A Good Bet

Sakura never got Kakashi to quit and she regretfully accepted it, but made him promise to come see her after his missions. It wasn't much different from his other missions, she had always told him to have her check over him when he got back. But this time, he really did. Whether she was in the hospital or at home, he'd come see her.

When he was home, she spent as much time as she could with him. She thought he might get annoyed by her, but he never showed it or said anything. He still looked underweight to her and so one of her main priorities became getting him to eat. She'd take him to a restaurant or cook him dinner. He never complained and she knew it was his way of compensating for not quitting for her. She knew that, but part of her hoped it was more than that. That he enjoyed spending time with her, that he really did want to see her as soon as he got back from a mission.

She'd been walking home from the hospital after a night shift when she felt the chakra flare. Her spine straightened and she looked in the direction of Kakashi's apartment. _Why was his chakra flaring like that?_ What if he was hurt? She forgot her fatigue and took off in that direction.

She was on his doorstep in a matter of seconds debating if she should knock or just kick the door in. She didn't want to break his door if he actually was alright. But before she could even decide, the door was swung open. Kakashi stood there, his breathing a little heavy and his hair more of a mess than usual. She looked him over and he seemed unharmed. Then, she saw the sweat on his forehead and guessed what had happened.

"Sakura, it's three in the morning, what're you doing here?" he asked her, rubbing at his temples.

"I felt your chakra flare and wanted to check on you," she answered and saw his shoulders tense.

He tried to close the door on her, assuring her, "Well, I'm fine. Good night, Sakura-chan."

Sakura stuck her foot out before he could close the door. Her mind tried to scramble for a reason to stay. She didn't want to leave him and it was a strong feeling. It was almost unreasonable. She _couldn't_ leave him. She was sure he had just had a nightmare and it surely wasn't the first one. But she didn't want him to be alone.

She smiled at him and nodded inside his apartment, "Just let me in for a minute to make sure then I'll leave."

Kakashi stared at her for a second, before sighing and opening the door. He moved aside to let her in and Sakura went inside before he could change his mind. She took off her shoes and didn't look back at him as she headed for his kitchen.

Kakashi followed after her and watched her as she put a tea pot on his stove. She saw him run his fingers through his hair out of the corner of her eye. "What're you doing?"

She shrugged. "Making tea. You look a little tense. It'll help you relax."

She looked over her shoulder at him with a smile, but Kakashi was frowning at her. He didn't say anything and she tried to not let it get to her as she prepared him tea. It was chamomile, her personal favorite and she knew it would help him go back to sleep. If he even tried to. She almost wanted to stay there to make sure he did, but she knew he wouldn't let her.

When she handed him a mug, he opened his mouth probably to tell her to leave. So, she grabbed his hand and led him to the small living room he had. She sat next to him on the couch and stared at him until he raised his mug to his cloth covered lips. After he took a drink, he sighed and looked away from her. "Sakura, you have to stop doing this."

"Doing what?" she asked him innocently.

Kakashi turned back to her, narrowing his eyes. "Mothering me."

"I'm not _mothering_ you," she scoffed.

"Yes, you are," he argued and set his tea mug on the coffee table.

He wouldn't meet her eyes so she moved to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of him. Their knees touched and Kakashi leaned away from her. She grabbed his hands in hers and looked down at them. "Kakashi, I care about you. Why won't you just let me take care of you?"

"Sakura," Kakashi said her name and it sounded like he was in pain.

She looked up to meet his eyes and felt a pain in her chest at the anguish on Kakashi's face. She tried to keep her voice steady even as she felt her heart pound in her ears. She told him, "I can't make it go away. Any of it. Not depression, anxiety, or PTSD. But I'm here for you, for you to lean on, to support you. To help you deal with it all, to help you cope."

Kakashi yanked his hands out of hers and stood up from the couch. He stepped away from her and denied it all. "Sakura, I'm _fine_."

"No, you're _not_ ," she argued and stood up too. She held out her hands, looking at him desperately. "And that's _okay_."

Kakashi huffed and shook his head. He put a hand over his chest, gesturing to himself. "I've _always_ been like this and I've lived just fine on my own for almost my whole life."

"Just fine?" Sakura repeated and took a step towards him. She nodded, looking up at him to meet his eyes though he tried his best to avoid her eyes. "Well, alright, I believe you. You have been _just fine_ and I know that you don't need me. That you don't want to let anyone in. But I _want_ to be there for you, Kakashi."

Kakashi finally met her eyes and she reached down for his hands. "I know you have a dark past, that you have sins and baggage that you carry around with you. And I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to tell you empty words of comfort, that it's all okay, that everyone forgives you, that the pain will go away." Kakashi closed his eyes and Sakura's heart broke at the hurt in his eyes before he closed them. "But," she continued, "I'll take it with you."

Kakashi opened his eyes and looked at her in surprise. She kept talking. "I know it's not easy, that it will probably never be easy. But it could be _easier_. Let me carry it with you. All of it. Share it with me. I'll help you. I'll take your past and your sins, your pain."

Kakashi stared at her and she felt so open to him in that moment. She wondered if he felt that way too. An emotion flashed across his face, mixed with confusion and bewilderment. He asked her, his voice coming out soft and almost broken, "Why do you care so much?"

"Because I love you," she told him without missing a beat, her own voice strong and steady. She held his eyes with hers and could tell he knew _exactly_ how she meant that.

He pulled his hands out of hers and stepped back. He looked away from her and she saw his muscles tense. His breath came out shaky and he shook his head. "I-I can't, Sakura."

Sakura felt a pain in her chest at the words and it made her want to gasp for air. But she didn't let it show. "I'm not asking anything from you, Kakashi."

His shoulders relaxed the slightest bit and she said, "I just want you to know that I'm here for you. You can have anything you need from me."

She wanted to reach out for him, but didn't know if she could handle the rejection of him stepping away from her. She sighed when he didn't reply, still avoiding her eyes. She glanced at the tea mug on the table, now probably cold. She knew he had a mission in a couple of days and should really get all the sleep he could.

She stepped away from him, back towards the door. "If I don't see you before you leave, be careful, Kakashi. And I'll see you when you get back."

He nodded to her, looking at her. She met his eyes for a second before smiling and walking out of his door.

Kakashi dropped to his couch after the door closed. His head fell to his hands, every word she'd said running through his head. He felt like he couldn't get enough air to his lungs and his eyes burned. His hands gripped his hair tightly. "I can't do that to you."

The next few months passed normally. Nothing had changed between them. Kakashi still checked in with her when he got back from missions and she still took him out to eat. He never brought up that night and she didn't either. She didn't have to. She'd said what she needed to and Kakashi had a good enough memory to remember it all. She hadn't been lying when she said she wasn't asking anything from him. Now, she may _want_ some things from him. But that was a different story.

Sakura woke up from her sleep with a jolt. She had a kunai in her hand and looked around her room frantically. When she found Kakashi at the end of her bed, she let out a deep breath. Her shoulders relaxed and she stowed her kunai away back under her pillow. She looked over Kakashi, but he didn't seem to be bleeding from anywhere so she took that as a good sign. He didn't have his flak jacket on nor his headband.

"Kakashi?" she called out to him softly.

He ran his fingers through his hair and chuckled quietly. He looked off to the side, towards her window and she could practically see the wheels turning in his head. She knew he'd try and leave soon. "Sorry, I, uh, didn't mean to wake you. I just wanted to…"

Sakura leaned back against her pillow, watching him. She didn't know what he wanted or why he had decided to come to her apartment in the middle of the night. But he _was_ there. He obviously _needed_ something, even if he wasn't going to voice it.

She stretched a hand out towards him and smiled, wondering if he could even see it in the dim room. "Come here."

She knew she didn't imagine him leaning towards her, but he shook his head and stepped towards the window. "No, I should go."

"A nightmare," she said the word and saw him stop in his tracks. _So, that's what it was…_ He didn't look at her, his stance rigid and his hand on her window. An idea came to her and she thought it was worth a shot. "I had a nightmare."

He looked at her then, almost confused. "What?"

"I had a nightmare," she repeated. "You have really good timing. I'm glad you woke me up."

He moved away from the window and took a couple steps towards her. She could see him raising an eyebrow at her as he asked, "Really?"

She nodded, a nightmare she'd actually had recently coming to mind. She told him about it, not able to look him in the eye and keeping her eyes focused on her dresser. It was from the war and had a certain theme that she'd noticed in all of her nightmares. She summarized it for him, giving him vague details and keeping the more horrific ones to herself.

When she finished, she looked back to him and he had a sad expression on his face. It made her feel guilty, but she hadn't been lying to him. This was how this would work. She'd give some to him and maybe it would encourage him to give a little back. She only hoped so.

Kakashi clearly didn't know what to say, but she could tell he was trying to come up with something. He was close enough so she reached out and grabbed his hand. "I'm okay. But will you do something for me?"

"What?"

She felt her heart beat erratically in her chest and knew she was probably blushing. But she asked anyway, "Stay with me?"

She expected him to refuse to, apologize and make up an excuse to leave. But he didn't. He didn't even say anything at all as he kicked off his sandals and climbed into the bed beside her. She moved to her side, looking at him in surprise and then smiled. She wanted to reach out for him, but didn't know if it would be too much. She settled for a hand to his chest, where feel the steady rhythm of his heart. She leaned forward, tucking her head under his chin. She whispered a small, "Thank you."

Kakashi silently wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer. She sighed against him in content and could feel herself already falling back asleep with the warmness of his body holding her. She wondered if this had been what he needed when he came here. If it was what he wanted. But he hadn't put up a fight and was even holding her, so she hoped it was close enough.

Before she let sleep fully take her again, she heard him mumble back softly, "No. Thank _you_."

"Sakura-chan." Naruto bumped his shoulder with hers to get her attention. "What's wrong?

Sakura avoided his eyes, swirling her chopsticks around in her ramen. "Kakashi was due back two days ago."

Naruto nodded, gesturing for Ayame to give him another bowl. "Oh, you miss him."

He didn't even phrase it like a question and Sakura felt her cheeks warm up. She hit his arm lightly with her hand. "It's more than that, moron. I'm _worried_. Kakashi may be late for everything, but he's hardly ever late from a _mission_."

"I'm sure he's fine, Sakura-chan," Naruto tried to assure her. "Kakashi's strong, you should believe in him, that he'll make it back home."

"I _do_ believe in him," Sakura mumbled. Naruto tapped her hand holding the chopsticks and raised an eyebrow. She rolled her eyes but obliged and started eating her ramen. She could tell Naruto was on the verge of worrying about her.

They ate in silence for a while and then she heard Naruto snicker into his ramen. She looked at him and cocked an eyebrow. He asked her with a knowing smile, "You sure do spend a lot of time with him, don't you?"

 _Since when did Naruto catch on to things like that?_ Sakura fought down another blush and looked away from him. "So do _you_."

Naruto shook his head. "Not like you do."

Sakura didn't say anything in response and Naruto looked over at her with his silly grin. He went on, " _I_ don't take him out to eat every day he's in town. He doesn't come to _my_ apartment in the middle of the night so I can… _check over his injuries_."

Sakura could feel the tips of her ears turning red. _Naruto_ , of all people, was _teasing_ her. He didn't dodge her hand when it hit him in the back of the head and only laughed. Sakura glared at him and Naruto held up a hand to stop her from hitting him again. "It's okay, Sakura-chan."

"What do you mean it's okay?"

He shrugged and took a drink from his glass. "I mean _it's okay_." He eyed her with a raised eyebrow and Sakura understood what he meant.

She looked away from him mumbling, "Well, thanks."

Naruto chuckled and Sakura stood up from her seat. She hastily put money on the counter. "I'm, uh, going to go talk to Shishou. Maybe she'll send someone after Kakashi to see if he's alright."

She turned around and went through the drapes, stopping at the person she almost ran into. He smiled at her. "Mah, that won't be necessary."

Tsunade looked over the village with a cup of sake in her hand, something she was starting to make a habit of. She spotted her old student leaving the Ichiraku stand and she could tell even from this far that Sakura's face was beet red. She only had a second to wonder why and then she saw Kakashi walking towards her. Tsunade smiled as Sakura threw her arms around him and Kakashi held her close. Then, she chuckled as Sakura pulled away and looked over Kakashi. She hit him on the arm and Tsunade could practically hear her scolding Kakashi for being late or maybe it was from how he managed to fracture a few ribs and sprain his wrist. Kakashi only moved his hand to the back of his head in response and Tsunade could imagine the smile on his face.

"What're you smiling about, Lady Tsunade?" Shizune asked her, a couple feet from her as she flipped through some paperwork.

"A good bet," Tsunade replied happily.

Shizune mumbled as she read, "That's saying something coming from you."


	3. Blood Under Fingernails

It wasn't in the middle of the night the next time Kakashi came to her apartment. She had been relaxing at home reading a novel, when he appeared in her living room. She looked up at him startled seeing blood all over him.

"Kakashi!" She threw her book to the couch and ran over to him. Kakashi stared at her numbly as her hands hovered over him searching for an injury she couldn't see. She didn't find any and then spotted his blood soaked gloves. She sighed in relief. _It wasn't his blood._

"I didn't mean to scare you," Kakashi told her quietly and he sounded so tired.

She went to grab his hand, but he pulled away from her. She frowned and grabbed his sleeve instead, leading him to her bathroom. She took off his gloves and dropped them to the floor. They made a wet sound when they hit the tile and Sakura focused on turning on the faucet. She grabbed a rag from her towel rack and tugged Kakashi closer. He put his hands under the running water and Sakura silently helped him wash the blood away from his skin. She scrubbed at his hands and fingernails until they were back to their normal pale color.

She turned off the water and looked back to him. He had an unreadable expression and she started to unzip his flak jacket. His fingers caught hers and they were still warm from the water. "Sakura, what are you doing?"

"Your jacket is covered in blood. Let me throw it in the washer."

"That's not why I came here. I can go home and use my own washer." He tried to pull away from her, but Sakura didn't look go of his hand.

"No," she told him with an edge to her voice. "Your chakra depleted and I doubt you can even make it back to your apartment. Just stay here."

She saw the hesitation in his eyes, but then he sighed. He let go of her hand and she finished unzipping his jacket, then slipped it off of his shoulders. Her hand lingered on his arm and she looked away from him to pick up his gloves. She walked out of the small bathroom and put his things in her washer.

When she came back to her living room, Kakashi was leaning back on her couch reading her book. He'd taken off his sandals and headband. She sat beside him and snatched her book out of his hands. "Kakashi, go lay down. You need rest."

Kakashi moved, but didn't get up from the couch. Instead, he rested his head on her lap and made himself comfortable. She looked down at him in surprise, her cheeks turning a light pink. He closed his eyes and clasped his hands on his chest. He let out a contented sigh and smiled. "Mah, I'm comfortable right here."

She smiled down at him and her hand went hesitantly to his hair. He tensed under her touch, but then relaxed as she threaded her fingers through his hair. She went back to reading her book, feeling more comfortable than she ever had with Kakashi lying on her like that. Her fingers combed through his hair thoughtlessly as she read. She had never imagined it to feel the way it did. It always looked so stiff, but really all it felt like was silk.

Sakura had only read a few pages of her book before Kakashi had fallen asleep. At first he had stayed in the same position, on his back with his head tilting just a fraction towards her stomach. But soon, he had turned on his side with his arms snaking around her waist. Sakura's heart skipped a beat when he almost buried his face in her stomach and pulled her closer to him.

Kakashi looked so at peace when he slept, like he didn't have everything weighing down on him. He was relaxed, the crease between his eyebrows disappeared. Sakura didn't want to wake him up, but after an hour had passed her stomach growled and she was sure Kakashi was probably starving haven just got back from a mission.

She closed her book and put it on the small table beside the couch. She leaned down, her fingers stroking through his hair. She whispered softly, "Kakashi, wake up."

His eyes opened instantly, blinking blearily up at her. He didn't shy away from her when he realized how close he was to her. It made her wonder how exhausted he really was. His arms loosened from around her but didn't move. He asked her lazily, "Hmm?"

Sakura smiled down at him, her hand still buried in his hair. "You should eat something."

Kakashi sighed and closed his eyes again, mumbling, "I'd rather sleep."

Sakura chuckled, ruffling his hair like he did to her. "You need to eat. You can sleep later. Let me up and I'll make us dinner."

Kakashi grumbled but moved off of her. Sakura ruffled his hair and stood up from the couch. She walked to the kitchen and got the ingredients out to make miso soup. She had just started cutting up the vegetables when Kakashi walked into the room. He peered over her shoulder and asked, "With eggplant, right?"

Sakura nodded with a smile. "Of course. It is your favorite."

Kakashi didn't say anything in response and silently started helping her cook. She tried to get him to go back to the couch but he didn't move from his spot. Sakura let it go and they quickly finished the meal together. After they were done though, Kakashi tried to leave again.

"Kakashi, no, just stay here for the night," she told him as she followed him back to the living room to grab his things.

"Sakura." He sighed as he picked up his headband with his back to her. "I shouldn't. I'll just go back to my apartment."

"You're still chakra depleted," Sakura said and knew she was right. She could see the way his body protested with every movement and she was sure he didn't have enough chakra to body flicker away. "As your medic, I'm telling you to just stay here. It will be so much worse in the morning and I would come by and check on you anyway. Really, you're just making this easier on me."

Kakashi turned around and raised an eyebrow at her, stepping closer. "As my medic? Sakura, I know you're asking me as something more."

Sakura fought down a blush and repeated her words, "I'm not asking anything from you, Kakashi."

Kakashi stared at her for a moment before sighing and slumping his shoulders in defeat. "Okay, Sakura-chan. You win."

Sakura smiled and grabbed his arm leading him to the bathroom. "Well, you should take a shower now. You're not going to have the energy to in the morning."

"I don't have the energy to right now," Kakashi complained as Sakura turned the water on for him.

"It's just going to be worse in the morning. I'm sure I don't have to remind you how bad chakra exhaustion is, you do it so often." Sakura raised an eyebrow at him and stepped out of the small room.

Kakashi glared at her, but there wasn't any anger behind it. "I do not," he argued before closing the door.

When Kakashi finally climbed into bed with her, she tried not giggle at how his wet hair made him look like a drenched puppy. He didn't say anything as he lifted up the blankets and laid beside her. After he made himself comfortable, he turned towards her with his head on the pillow. When Sakura met his eyes, she didn't even hesitate before cuddling into his side. It was like a magnetic pull and she just wanted to be closer to him. Kakashi didn't seem to mind as he just wrapped his arms around her. He told her, "You're too attached to me." He didn't sound angry about it though, there was affection in his tone. She could hear a reluctant acceptance.

She replied back without pause, "Of course, I am. I love you."

He stilled beneath her and it took him a moment to relax back. She didn't regret saying it though. She didn't expect to hear the words back, but what Kakashi did say still surprised her. His voice was strained, barely audible but somehow it managed to sound as loud as a lightning strike. "I had a dream I killed you."

Sakura looked up at him, but Kakashi didn't meet her eyes as he continued, "It was the night that I came here. I…had to make sure you were okay."

Sakura laid her head back down on his chest and tightened her arms around his torso. She spoke in a soft voice, "It was just a dream. As you can see I am perfectly safe in your hands."

He didn't reply and Sakura reached down to grab his hand from the arm that wasn't holding her. She could almost hear his heartbeat under her head as it beat out of rhythm. She interlocked their fingers and cradled his hand close to her. "I know you hate your hands, but I love them."

"Sakura –"

She ignored him and talked over him, though her voice was still soft and loving. "You don't think they do any good, but they do. They may not save lives the same way I do, but they still do. I know they've saved me plenty of times. They've protected me since I was little, shielding me from harm. Whenever I was upset, these hands would wipe away my tears and hold me. They make me feel safe the way they comb through my hair or hold me close."

Kakashi didn't say anything to her in response. He just moved her to where she wasn't laying on his chest anymore and was almost eye level with him. She met his eyes in surprise and saw so much emotion in his. It was almost painful but Sakura still saw a passion there, an emotion so intense it made her catch her breath. She thought he was going to kiss her, but when he leaned forward he only buried his face in the crook of her neck, hidden in her hair. His arms now around her waist tightened and she just held him closely until he relaxed around her.

Sakura woke up slowly with a splitting headache. She opened her eyes sluggishly and looked around the room, then remembered where she was. _The hospital._ She felt a faint pain her side and internally groaned. If she hadn't spent so much of her chakra when she was fighting, she could have healed herself. But by the time all her team had taken out the enemy nin, she was low on chakra. She cursed herself. She had to be more careful. She was a medic nin, she couldn't waste her chakra during her fight. Her team hadn't needed any major injuries healed, really she was the only one with that bad of a wound. _But what if they had?_

Sakura didn't think much more on the matter though when her eyes landed on a mop of silver hair on her bed side. She smiled, now noticing the weight that was in her left hand. Kakashi was sleeping with his head on the edge of her bed and his hand gripped firmly in hers. The image gave her a warm feeling knowing he was there for her. She had always thought she would be in his place. Not that she hadn't been before, but it was different. Sakura wasn't usually the one in the bed.

She glanced at the windows and could see a sliver of sunlight trying to come through. She hadn't been out that long then, a day at the most. Kakashi was dead asleep beside her and she wondered how long he'd been there. But before she could think any further, the door to her room quietly opened.

Her eyes went to the movement and saw Naruto stepping into her room quietly. When he met her eyes, he grinned at her. It was cheerful and warm like usual with a bit of relief too. He glanced at Kakashi's sleeping form as he walked over to her quietly. When he reached her, he grabbed her shoulder gently and whispered, "Hey, how're you feeling?"

She smiled at him and told him just as quietly, "Okay."

He nodded and looked over at Kakashi again. "That's good to hear and I'm glad Kakashi's finally getting some rest."

Sakura frowned. "What do you mean?"

Naruto's smile faltered and he said, "Well, Sakura-chan, you were in pretty bad shape. Kakashi hasn't left your side since they brought you back to the village."

"No, I just had a wound on my side and a little chakra depletion," she argued.

But Naruto shook his head. "I told her you didn't know…Sakura, the blade that cut you was coated in poison. It almost killed you. If your team had been even a couple hours late, you would have died. Tsunade baa-chan got the poison out of your system, but you've been out for a couple of days."

Sakura's eyes pulled together. _No, that's not…I was fine._ She remembered how sluggish she felt when they were coming back to the village, but she had just chalked it up to her low chakra levels. Then, when she could barely stand on her feet and one of her teammates had started carrying her, well she had just thought…

Naruto's voice cut into her thoughts, "But it's all okay now. You're as good as new! Baa-chan said you just needed a little rest."

Sakura's eyes drifted to Kakashi. He was facing her so she could see his eyes. He looked so tired even as he slept. Sakura felt horrible. "Was Kakashi okay?"

Naruto was quiet for a moment and when she looked over at him, he was looking at Kakashi with a small smile. "No, he wasn't. But how could he be when you were…? I wasn't either…I had never seen Kakashi like that…" Naruto shook his head slightly when he started to frown with a far off look in his eyes. But then he was smiling again. "Once you were alright and Baa-chan had got all the poison out, he still didn't want to leave. She tried to throw him out but when she would come by to check on you he was by your side again. She eventually just gave up."

Naruto looked over at her with a chuckle and Sakura smiled back. "I'm sorry I worried you."

Naruto shrugged, putting his hands behind his head. "Don't worry about it." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Hungry?"

Sakura nodded and Naruto left the room to go get her something and tell the nurse she was awake. After he was gone, Sakura turned back to Kakashi. She was surprised he hadn't heard them and woken up. It made her realize how exhausted he must be. She felt guilty about doing that to him, but there was also a happiness there. That he would stay by her through all of that and hold her hand as he fell asleep at her bedside. She reached her hand out and gently combed through his hair.

She regretted it though when he started to stir beneath her hand. He blinked up at her for a few seconds before his eyes went wide. Sakura didn't move her hand and before he could say anything she told him, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

Kakashi moved from the chair he had been sitting in and sat at the edge of the bed. He kept holding her hand and his other came up to hold her face. He asked her in a soft voice, "How long have you been awake?"

"Just a few minutes." She leaned into his touch.

Kakashi glanced at the door. "Has a nurse come to see you yet? I'll – "

Sakura's hand tightened around his and she tugged him back when he tried to stand up. "Naruto already left to go tell the nurse. He's getting me something to eat."

Kakashi nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," she answered honestly. Besides the faint pain in her side and how tired she felt, she was fine.

He didn't ask her anything else and now that he was awake, he looked even more worn out. Sakura looked down at his hand in hers, feeling that guilt again. "I'm sorry, Kakashi, that I…made you worry so much."

"You don't have to apologize, Sakura."

She looked back up at him and he was staring out the window. He sighed and after a couple of minutes passed he asked her, "Is this how you feel when I come back from a mission on the verge of death?"

Sakura bit her lip as memories of a blood soaked Kakashi played through her mind. She hadn't ever realized how many of them there were. Her chest felt tight and she couldn't answer him. But she didn't need to.

Kakashi sighed and when he met her eyes he looked heartbroken. "I'm so sorry I did that to you."

The new pain in her chest was even worse than the previous one. She tugged him close to her and Kakashi's forehead leaned against hers. She smiled at him and tried to comfort him. "Hey, don't be. We're _shinobi_. It's not your fault when you get hurt and I _always_ want you to come see me first. So, don't think you're sparing me any feelings by hiding how hurt you are."

She met his eyes seriously and Kakashi nodded against her. Her hand came up to rest at the back of his neck, playing with the silver hair there. "Thank you for being here."

He smiled at her and she could see the outline of his mouth through the blue fabric. "Of course."

She felt warm inside and her smile widened. Her cheeks tinted pink as she reminded him, "I love you."

Before Kakashi could even react, the door opened. Naruto's nervous chuckle bounced off the walls when he saw them. "Am I, uh, interrupting _something_?"

Kakashi pulled away from her, but he didn't move from his spot on her bed. Sakura held back a giggle at the edges of his mask turning red. He looked over at Naruto and shook his head. "No, Naruto. Did you bring Sakura something to eat?"

Naruto's cheeky smile didn't drop and he told him glancing at Sakura, "Just some dumplings and umeboshi. Sakura's favorites."

He walked over to the bed and handed the takeout bag to Sakura. "I got enough for you too, Kakashi. I know you must be hungry."

Kakashi shrugged. "Thank you, Naruto. I'm not that hungry, but I'll have a little."

Naruto rolled his eyes and shared a look with Sakura that said _make sure he eats_. Sakura nodded, hoping it hadn't been that long since Kakashi ate. "Yeah, thank you for getting me something to eat, Naruto."

Naruto smiled at her before making an excuse to leave, probably so they could be alone. Sakura turned back to Kakashi after Naruto left and gestured to all of the food in her lap. "There's no way I can eat all of this."

Kakashi chuckled and moved to where he was sitting next to her instead of in front of her. He wrapped an arm around her and Sakura leaned into him as they ate.


	4. Passion In The Clouds

"Kakashi!" Kakashi felt the loud man's presence before he had even heard the yell of his name. He turned around and sure enough there was Gai clad in his green jumpsuit smiling at him widely.

"Gai." He nodded at him and turned back to his training post sending another well aimed kick at the abused wood.

"It's good to see you training so youthfully, rival!" Gai told him as he walked over to him. "Though I'm surprised to not see Sakura-chan with you. Is she out on a mission?"

"No." Kakashi felt his eyebrow twitch and hit the post probably a little harder than necessary.

"Oh, then she must be working." Gai nodded beside him in thought with his finger under his chin.

"Not working either." Another kick. "Why do you assume she must be busy if she's not with me?" Kakashi asked even though he was sure he didn't want to hear the answer.

Gai grinned beside him. "You two have become inseparable! I am envious of your love, my dear rival!"

Another kick. _Hard._ Kakashi bit out, "We are _not_ lovers, Gai."

Gai was quiet for a moment and Kakashi glanced at him. He looked… _disappointed_? He was frowning and his hands fell from his hips to rest at his sides. He stated more than asked, "You haven't told her then."

Kakashi threw a glare in his direction and stepped away from the post. He cocked an eyebrow at him and gestured with his hands. "Told her what?"

"That you're in love with her!" Gai answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"And what makes you think that?" Kakashi retorted and knew he was balancing on the edge of a blade with the question. He was out of breath and his heart was beating erratically in his chest but he blamed it on his training. He wouldn't even admit to himself that Gai's answer scared him. To hear it said aloud.

"By just the way you look at her!" Gai's smile came back to his face. "It's so clear to everyone. You're become so much happier lately. I don't think I've ever seen you look so carefree before. And it's obvious it's because of her! And how she looks back at you with such affection and admiration. It's obvious to anyone that you're in love. Why are you denying yourself that kind of passion?"

"I'm not –" Kakashi started, but couldn't find it in himself to lie to Gai. He let out a deep breath, his hand coming up to run through his hair. "I don't have time for this."

He walked away from him and Gai followed after him determinedly. "You can't just walk away from this, Kakashi!" Gai told him and Kakashi didn't think he'd ever heard the man be so serious. "It's not like everything else in your life. You can't run from it. You can't run from _her_. She's not going to let you."

Kakashi sighed and his feet stopped at the edge of the field. He didn't turn around as he said exasperated, "You think I don't know that?"

"Then, why are you fighting it, Kakashi?"

"She's just – I'm not…" Kakashi trailed off not even knowing where to start. He didn't even want to be having this conversation, especially with Gai. He knew him too well he'd see through anything he tried to play off. He usually let Kakashi get away with it, acting cool and aloof. But there wasn't a doubt in his mind that Gai didn't see through it. Only if it was important Gai would push it and Kakashi knew he felt this was important. _He did too, if he was being honest with himself._

"Good enough for her? Don't deserve her?" Ga finished for him.

Kakashi chuckled humorlessly at his own thoughts being said out loud by someone else. His back was still to Gai and he was thankful for it. Even with his mask he was sure Gai would be able to see the pain in his expression. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "It's obvious, isn't it?"

"So what if you don't?"

Kakashi turned around then in surprise. _So what?_ Gai had his arms crossed over his chest with a smile. He continued with a shrug, "So what, Kakashi? None of that matters. Even if you believe that, even if _I_ believe that – which I don't – it's not for you or me to decide. It's _her_ choice. You don't get to tell her she's wrong. That she made a mistake. She _already_ loves you. That's not going to change just because _you_ think it should."

Kakashi just stared at him speechless. His argument and stubbornness crumbling before his eyes. It wasn't like the words were that much of a shock. A part of him had been screaming the same damn thing at him. But he'd been able to quiet it down with the logic that he'd thought was sound. Lately though, that voice was just getting louder drowning out the rest of his thoughts and he started slipping in his argument with himself. It was harder to quiet it down now, especially if it ever spoke when he was with Sakura. Gai saying the words out loud just caused the crack in his resolve to grow.

Kakashi tore his eyes away from Gai stubbornly and clenched his jaw. His hands in his pockets turned into fists and he could feel Gai's eyes on him. "After everything you've been through, why can't you just let yourself have this? Take it from someone who cares about you, you _do_ deserve her."

Kakashi sighed again, but didn't say anything. Gai stepped up beside him and clapped a hand on his shoulder. Kakashi could see him smiling out of the corner of his eye. "You're a lucky man to have someone who loves you so unconditionally. You should cherish her, my dear rival, not push her away."

Then without another word, Gai patted his shoulder and walked out of the training field.

Kakashi felt the warmth of her chakra before she'd even entered the field. He didn't move from his spot on the ground and continued looking up at the sky. He heard her sigh when he was finally in her view. "Kakashi, there you are."

She walked over to him and stood by his side looking down at him. She followed his eyes to the clouds above them. "Have you been out here all day? I thought you were training?"

"Mah, Sakura-chan, I was. I finished a while ago and was just enjoying the clouds," he replied to her lazily and glanced up at her. She still had her doctor's coat on so she must have come straight from the hospital. _How was he always be her first place to go to?_

She was smiling, her eyes sparkling as the sun light bounced off them. She chuckled as she tugged at her ponytail causing her pink hair to cascade around her. " _Enjoying the clouds._ You've been spending too much time with Shikamaru, Kakashi-kun."

Kakashi felt his heart skip a beat and he tore his eyes away from her and back to the sky. He didn't tell her that the only person he was spending too much time with was _her_. "When you look at the sky, you can see all sorts of things in the clouds. You should try it out."

Sakura shrugged off her coat and dropped it to the ground nearby. She knelt to the ground and Kakashi automatically held an arm out for her. He didn't even hesitate when he did it, it had just felt so natural to. She gave him a small smile before curling up beside him with her head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around her and she sighed against him.

Kakashi leaned his head against hers and pointed up at a random cloud. "That one looks like Katsuyu."

Sakura snorted. "They all look like Katsuyu. She's a _slug_.'

"You just have no imagination." Kakashi clicked his tongue against his cheek.

"I do too," she retorted back almost childishly. If she was younger Kakashi could imagine her sticking her tongue out at him.

"Then, prove it, Haruno."

"I will, _Hatake_ ," she replied determined and held on to him tighter. Kakashi held back a chuckle. They were talking about clouds but she had the seriousness of going into battle.

A couple minutes later and she pointed up at the sky and Kakashi could hear the satisfaction in her voice. "That one looks like Bisuke."

Kakashi's eyes followed her finger and was surprised to see a cloud that actually resembled the small dog quite well. "Good one, Sakura-chan."

He could practically feel her smile against him and she told him, "Your turn."

They went back and forth like that for who knows how long. Kakashi tried to find the most ridiculous things he could just to make Sakura laugh. At some point, he said, "A leaf from a chestnut tree."

Sakura chuckled and looked up at him. "That is so specific."

"I'm a Leaf shinobi. I take my leaves very seriously."

Sakura laughed and it was such a beautiful sound. He wondered if she could hear his heart beating out of rhythm in his chest through his flak jacket. His fingers were thoughtlessly combing through her hair and he tugged lightly on a lock. "Your turn."

Sakura was quiet for a moment, her eyes searching the sky. Then, she said, "A bowl of ramen."

Kakashi couldn't help but laugh. "Maybe _you're_ spending too much time with Naruto."

"No, really!" she laughed and pointed. Kakashi saw which cloud she was talking about, but feigned ignorance. "I don't see it, Sakura-chan. Stop lying. You'll never top my chestnut leaf."

Sakura grabbed his hand and wrapped her fingers around him. She pointed up at the sky with his finger. "There!"

Kakashi didn't even look at the sky and just at her small soft hand wrapped around his. He almost pulled away like he usually did. But he tried not to. To say he didn't like her touching his hands was an understatement. He shouldn't be allowed to touch something so wonderful and beautiful. He felt like his touch tainted her. Yet he still found himself always reaching out for her regardless of it. The opposing feelings always battled inside of him and he never knew which one was going to win. Like in the hospital. He hadn't been able to let go of her. He was worried she would disappear underneath his fingertips. That the heartbeat in her wrist would become faint and then just die out completely. It had scared the hell out of him and he had gripped her tight just to assure himself she was still there, still _alive_.

 _I know you hate your hands, but I love them._ Kakashi smiled despite the depressing thoughts that still lingered in his mind. He lowered his and Sakura's hands back down to his chest. He intertwined their fingers as he told her softly, "Ah, I see it now."

She squeezed his hand in hers. "I knew you would if you just let me help."

Kakashi didn't say anything, his thumb stroking back and forth across her skin. A couple more minutes passed before he said, "A dragon."

Sakura was quiet and Kakashi asked, "Sakura?"

She still didn't reply and he brought his hand up to brush her hair behind her ear. Her eyes were closed and she was sound asleep on top of him. Kakashi chuckled and leaned his head against hers. She breathed slowly against him and he whispered, "If you were so tired why did you bother coming to find me? You should have gone home to rest."

He didn't get an answer from her and Kakashi sighed, his fingers absent mindedly playing with her hair. _You can't run from her. She's not going to let you._ Gai's words from last week bounced around in his head again. He probably didn't know how right he was.

He let her lay there for a while just sleeping contently in his arms. But when the clouds left and the sky turned dark, he knew he should probably take her home. He gently took his hand out of hers and her fingers clutched at his jacket. He reached for her coat and draped it across them both. Then he made the hand sigils to body flicker into her apartment.

They landed with a soft thump as their weight sunk into her bed. Kakashi carefully removed himself from her and grabbed her doctor's coat. He draped it over a nearby chair and undid Sakura's sandals, dropping them to the floor. Then, he covered Sakura with the blanket that was folded neatly at the end of her bed. He looked at her sleeping face for a moment, her pink hair a mess around her. She really was so beautiful.

Kakashi tore his eyes away from her and stepped towards her window. But when he reached it, he heard a sleepy voice say his name. "Kashi?"

He turned around and saw her watching him with half hooded eyes. She held out a hand to him and simply asked, "Stay?"

She gave him a warm smile and didn't drop her hand even when he didn't reach back for her. It was almost as if she knew he'd take it. She was right, though, and Kakashi found himself grabbing her delicate fingers. He almost chuckled at the thought. Sakura's fingers were anything but delicate. But that's what they felt like, what _she_ felt like. She felt so open to him in that moment but honestly, she always did. He felt like he could break her so easily if he wanted to. But he wanted anything but that.

He let go of her hand to shrug off his flak jacket and take off his headband. She watched him sleepily and made room for him in the bed. After he kicked off his shoes, he climbed in beside her. Sakura made herself comfortable back on his chest without any hesitation. She draped an arm over his torso and was quickly back asleep. Kakashi smiled down at her as he fixed the blanket back over her. He fell asleep trying to figure out when he had gotten so wrapped around Haruno Sakura's little finger.


	5. Fingerprints Ghosting Across Her Skin

Sakura cleared the table and started piling dishes in the sink. She glanced at the table to see Kakashi had pulled out his beloved orange novel. She threw a dish rag at him and he caught it without looking up from his book. "Uh-huh, I don't think so. You can help me with the dishes."

He flipped a page of his novel that he wasn't even reading and held back a smile. "Mah, but I made dinner tonight."

He heard her snort and saw her put a hand on her hip out of the corner of his eye. "So?"

He crossed his feet on the chair beside him and made himself comfortable. He continued to argue with her, " _So_ I don't have to do the dishes."

"Then why do I do the dishes even when _I_ cook?"

Kakashi looked up at her then and gave her a smile. "I just thought you liked doing them."

Sakura rolled her eyes at him and after a moment of just silently staring at him, he sighed and stood up. He walked over to her, rolling up his sleeves and joined her at the sink. She chuckled beside him as she started washing a plate. "You're so damn lazy."

"Am not," he argued as he took the plate from her to dry. "I just would rather not."

Sakura bumped his arm with hers and smiled up at him. "Well, too bad."

Kakashi sighed dramatically as he took another dish from her and Sakura laughed softly. It was a beautiful sound and made him feel warm inside. As much as he tried to get out of it, he felt himself smiling when she handed him more dishes. But honestly, he would enjoy doing anything with her.

He listened quietly as she told him about her day. She was excited about a new chakra healing technique she was working on and he wondered if she even remembered he was there as she went on. He paid attention as much as he could, but at times he couldn't even understand what she was saying. He wasn't used to feeling that way, but it didn't bother him since it was Sakura. She had always been very intelligent and he wasn't surprised she'd gotten to a point where he couldn't follow her anymore.

He was so comfortable around her, probably the most comfortable he'd ever felt around someone else. There in her small kitchen just washing dishes with her he felt happy. When he thought about it, he always had been around her. It had just grown over the past few months. When he was with her she made him feel loved and _safe_. He didn't feel at home at his apartment anymore - not that he ever really did. He felt like his home wasn't even a place. It was just _her_.

It was probably why he had spent so many nights in her apartment. He'd been so reluctant months ago to let her in. But she had woven herself into his life so intricately he couldn't imagine it without her. She'd worn him down and he didn't even bother to protest when she tried to convince him to stay with her. _Just for tonight, Kakashi._ They never even did anything. He hadn't even _kissed_ her yet. They would just lay there in each other's arms and Kakashi's nightmares lessened dramatically.

 _Yet._ The word rang inside his head and he looked to his left. Sakura continued talking, going into such detail about chakra and medical ninjutsu Kakashi wondered if he even knew the basics. She was smiling widely as she rambled on, her cheeks a faint pink and her jade green eyes looking up at him warmly.

It still boggled his mind how she had stayed so patient with him. Just like she had said that first night, _she never asked anything of him_. She told him she loved him so many times and he had never said it back. Though it was _true_. He had loved her before she had even said it. He never knew how strongly love could be until he fell into it with her. It was consuming and he always wanted to be with her. To be near her it was like a magnetic pull. He always wanted to be even _closer_ but managed to stop himself. She deserved so much more than him.

 _He still hadn't told her he loved her._ Though, Sakura never showed how much it hurt her, he was sure it did. But she was still there for him at every turn. Kakashi was sure at some point she would decide it was too much for her and move on. But she never did. He really didn't deserve her. His only comfort was that she knew he loved her. Sakura was a smart woman, he was sure she knew.

After Sakura finished explaining her new technique, he told her with a smile, "That sounds amazing, Sakura-chan. You're really brilliant, you know."

He glanced at her and felt his heart skip a beat at the blush on her cheeks. His smile widened underneath his mask as she replied softly, "Thank you, Kashi."

 _Kashi._ She had started calling him that recently. It wasn't all the time and it only slipped out of her mouth when they were alone. He never commented on it and he wondered if she even noticed when she started saying it. It wasn't like he didn't like it, though. The way it rolled off her tongue so naturally made him feel something that he just couldn't explain in words. It made him feel closer to her, more _intimate_. No one had ever said his name with such affection. He hadn't thought anything could, but it topped when she would call him _Kakashi-kun_ teasingly.

Kakashi watched as Sakura moved to turn the water off and her hair fell into the foam bubbles of the soapy water. Kakashi couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his mouth and Sakura looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

"You have bubbles in your hair." He pointed to her long pink locks.

Sakura looked down and made a move to wipe them away. But Kakashi simply splashed water from the sink on to her. She squealed, " _Kakashi_!"

"What, Sakura-chan?" he asked her innocently, trying not to laugh at the angry pout on her face.

She glared at him with her hands waving at her drenched shirt. _She always looked so adorable when she was mad._ "I am soaking _wet_!"

He looked at her defensively. "I was just getting the bubbles out of your hair!"

She narrowed her eyes at him and cocked an eyebrow at him angrily. "Really, Kakashi? _Really_?"

Kakashi couldn't help but laugh and her eyebrow twitched in response. He held up his hands. "Okay, okay. Fair's fair. You can splash me."

He stepped towards her and closed his eyes. He heard the faucet turn on and not a second later he felt himself being sprayed with cold water. He flinched away and moved his hands in front of his face defensively. He opened his eyes to see a smirking Sakura with the spray nozzle pointed at him. His front was soaked with water and he was glad he had taken off his flak jacket and headband earlier.

"Haha," he said sarcastically through his wet mask, "Very funny, Sakura. Now put the spray nozzle down."

Sakura smiled cheekily and took a step back when he stepped towards her, the sound of the hose extending echoing in the kitchen. "Sakura –"

But before he could say anything more, she was spraying him again making sure to get his hair. He closed his eyes and let the water fall over him. He could hear her giggles turning into laughter and he figured it was well worth it. When she finally stopped, he looked at her and laughter was just bubbling over her lips. She let go of the nozzle and it retracted back to its place at the sink.

She tried to tell him through her laughter, "Y-You look l-like a wet puppy!"

Kakashi couldn't help but smile and he shook his head, his hair sending water droplets everywhere. Sakura laughed harder and he took a step towards her. "Well, come on, Sakura-chan, give me a hug and let's make up."

Sakura shook her head, taking a step back. She was still smiling widely and giggling. "No!"

Kakashi continued towards her and she ran out of the kitchen. He could hear her laughing and he body flickered to her living room. He caught her in his arms and she tried to wiggle away. "Kakashi! Let me go! You're _drenched_!"

Kakashi held her close to him with his arms wrapped around her back. He leaned forward and whispered into her ear, "Oh? And who's fault is that?"

Sakura laughed as his hair tickled her neck. " _Yours_!"

"Wrong answer." Kakashi nuzzled his face into her neck and she squealed in his arms.

Kakashi pulled away and looked down at her with a chuckle. She still had that wide smile on her face and a faint blush on her cheeks. A few giggles were still slipping from her mouth and Kakashi didn't think anyone had ever looked more beautiful. One of his hands left her waist and came up to her face. Her laughter died down as he brushed her hair out of her face and she gazed at him warmly.

Kakashi met her eyes and it felt so natural to tell her. To just finally _give in_ to her. She'd made it clear she wasn't going anywhere and he just had to give up and let her have her way. With each day with her, he didn't even know what he was fighting for anyway. "I love you."

He watched as her eyes widen a fraction and her expression became softer. Her hands moved from his chest to circle around his neck. She replied in a sweet voice with her eyes never leaving his, "I love you, too."

Kakashi leaned down to kiss her, but then she pulled away. He raised an eyebrow at her and she told him, "I'm not going to kiss you with your mask on."

He looked at her in surprise. "Really? After all this time…"

Sakura chuckled and patted his cheek with her hand, causing water to drip off his chin. "Your mask is soaked, Kashi."

Kakashi raised a hand to his mask and hooked a finger under the edge. But Sakura held up a hand. "Wait."

Kakashi watched as Sakura moved her hands to the back of her neck. She loosened the knot on her headband then tied it back to where it was over her eyes. She circled her arms back around his neck. "See? Now you can kiss me without your mask on."

Kakashi just stared at her in surprise, a warm feeling sprouting in his chest. He didn't think he'd ever felt so happy than in that moment. _Passing up a chance to see his face that she'd wondered about since she was a child._ Sakura really understood all there was to know about him and accepted him for all he was. All the damage and queer quirks.

He smiled as he pulled down his mask to loop around his neck. He leaned his forehead against hers and held her face with his hand. "Sakura, you've already seen through every other mask. What's one more?" His hand trailed to the back of her head and he gently undid the knot.

Her headband fell to the floor and he could hear the clinking of the metal against the wood as she gazed up at him. Her mouth was slightly agape and he brushed his thumb across her bottom lip. She blushed a beautiful pink and he cocked a grin at her. "What is it? Am I that odd looking?"

Sakura laughed softly and ignored his question. "That you'd trust me this much, it means… _so much_ to me."

Kakashi could see unshed tears in Sakura's eyes and he stroked his thumb across her cheek. "I'd trust you with anything."

She didn't tell him how happy that made her, but just closed the short distance between their lips. She kissed him and it was like he could feel every bit of her heart in the movement of her lips against his. Kakashi kissed her back with just as much emotion and pulled her close against him. It started off slow but with each second, they poured more of themselves into the kiss and it turned into something hungry and passionate. He had a hand buried in her hair and his other was gripping her waist, slipping under her shirt to feel the soft skin underneath.

Somehow they ended up on the couch with Sakura on top of him. His lips trailed from her lips down her neck and he told her, "You never answered my question."

It took her a moment to register what he was talking about. Her mind was becoming less coherent with the way Kakashi sucked and kissed at the pulse point on her neck. When she did realize, she laughed. "Is Hatake Kakashi fishing for compliments?"

Kakashi's mouth went back to hers to catch the sound and he loved how he could _feel_ her smile. He mumbled back, "Maybe."

She spoke in between kisses, "You have a mirror in your house. You have to know how gorgeous you are."

Kakashi chuckled and didn't say anything in response. It was exhilarating the way she kissed and touched him like she had finally got him and couldn't get enough of him. The warm feeling in his chest seemed to spread throughout his brains and he felt the same way. He felt like he'd finally gotten something that he didn't even know he'd been chasing or _wanted_. There was someone in his arms, something in the moment that he never thought he'd have.

It almost made him laugh that they were practically making out on a couch like horny teenagers. He'd never had that before. That sudden desire to have someone right then and there and to take them as far as they'd let you.

At some point, Sakura shifted on top of him and her bare legs brushed across his pants. She pulled away from him with a sigh. She was breathless as she looked down at him and her lips were swollen. "Kakashi, your clothes are soaked. You're probably ruining my couch."

Kakashi couldn't help it when he laughed and his hands trailed down to the back of her thighs. He saw something flash in her eyes and he raised an eyebrow at her. He said in a smooth voice, "It sounds like you're trying to talk me out of them, Sakura."

He'd meant it teasingly – well partly – but Sakura didn't take it anything like that. There was a dark look in her eyes and she leaned forward to the side of his head. She planted a couple of kisses along his neck and then whispered into his ear, "What if I am?"

Kakashi's breath caught and he felt a shiver run down his spine. His grip tightened on her and she said his name in a soft breathless voice, " _Kakashi_."

He lurched forward to where he was more sitting than lying on his back and Sakura fell to his lap. He bit back a moan and was kissing her again. The kiss was deeper this time as his tongue licked across her bottom lip and then into her mouth as she gasped. She kissed him back with just as much hunger. She tasted sweet and he could smell the fragrance of her strawberry shampoo.

He didn't notice when she had started to pull him off the couch and lead him to her bedroom. He also didn't realize she was quickly shredding him of his clothes. His shirt was pulled over his head and then her small hands reached down to tug at the hem of his pants. He noticed then with the way her hand brushed against his stomach as she tried to unbutton his pants. It sent a shock through him and he pulled her closer just to have her against his body even if it wasn't helping what she was trying to do.

By the time they'd reached her bed and he was pressing her into it, he'd stepped out of his pants and tore her shirt off of her. He was lost in the heat of the moment and didn't have a single clear thought going through his head. He pulled her spandex pants off and laid in between her legs on top of her. His hands trailed across her skin from her legs to her waist. When he felt the thin lace across her hip, he pressed himself against her with his hands gripping at her skin. Sakura left his lips to kiss down his neck.

When he pulled away from her, they were both almost panting. He met her eyes and saw so much there beyond the lust. It was almost overwhelming and his eyes trailed down the rest of her body. His eyes went from the rising of her chest clad in a deep red bra to the muscles of her tight stomach. But when his eyes reached her waist, his breath caught in his throat. He felt cold as he moved his fingers away from her skin, seeing the red indentions they'd left behind.

Before he could move away from her, her soft voice called him back to her in the quiet of the room. He almost flinched away from the sound no matter how soothing it was. There was a hand at his jaw and she was gently turning his head back to hers. "Hey, look at me."

She caught his eyes and he found it hard to look away. She smiled at him and asked, "Are you okay?"

He almost laughed. _Was he okay?_ He shook his head slightly and leaned his forehead against hers. The passions from seconds ago wasn't gone like he thought it would be. It had just dimmed and he could feel it vibrating in the air waiting to be turned up again.

Sakura wasn't rushing anything. She didn't push him or complain. She was as patient as she had been in every other aspect of their relationship. He could still see the fire that burned in her eyes, but it was contained. She really had the most amazing control he'd ever seen. The little girl who had cried at almost every turn had grown into a woman who calmed her emotions to simply tend to his. _He really didn't deserve her._

Her fingers ran through his hair as she told him, "I know, Kashi."

He sighed and closed his eyes, feeling his throat tighten. She continued, "I told you I'd never ask anything of you and I'll keep that promise. But let me tell you something."

He opened his eyes and met hers. "I want you to touch me. I want to feel you against my skin, gripping at me. I know you don't want to touch me because you think your touch taints me or something. But it doesn't. It doesn't hurt, it feels _good_. Your touch makes me feel amazing, wanted, _loved_."

Kakashi let out a shaky breath. "Sakura…"

Her hands came up to his face and she held him there. "I want _you_ , everything about you. Your hands, your mind…your heart."

Kakashi brought his hands back to her skin and stroked his thumb across the redness. He looked back to her and said in a soft voice, "I love you."

She smiled and he felt his heart skip a beat even though she had already said it so many times and in so many ways. "I love you, too."

He moved a hand beneath her and snaked it up to the clasp of her bra. But before he continued, he told her, "Sakura, you can ask anything you want from me."

She leaned up to kiss him and it was another kiss that was so different from the other ones. It was filled with just as much emotion as before, but now it was almost slow and deep. When she broke it, she asked him breathless though it came out more like a plea, "Make love to me."

Her body responded to him eagerly with every touch and every kiss. Her back would arch into him and she'd moan his name in the most seductive voice he'd ever heard. She gasped beneath him as his fingers ghosted across her skin, stroking in some place and squeezing in others. He was lost in her, in everything she was. Her voice. Her skin. Her smell. The jade eyes that would meet his lovingly as she gasped his name. He was groaning right alongside her, growling into her skin as she tugged at his hair.

She didn't let his mind wander to dark places again. She'd whisper word after word to him from appraisals to encouragements. _You feel so wonderful, Kakashi._ Lips would meet his and she'd cry into his mouth. _There, touch me there. Please._ His fingers would graze across her skin again and she'd moan just his name. _Kakashi._ Then, she'd give back just as much as she took. She whispered sweet nothings against him, endearments and _I love you_. Her voice was intoxicating and it alone was enough to make him let go. He'd thought she could never get more beautiful, but when he looked down at her sleepy and loving smile he knew he'd been wrong.

Kakashi still couldn't take his eyes off her hours later and he lost track of how long he laid there awake while she slept. The moonlight from the window danced across her bare skin and her pink hair was a mess as it laid in swirls across his milky skin like a painting. Her warm body was lax against his and she was still smiling even in her sleep. Kakashi felt a warmth filling his chest that he could only describe as happiness. He eventually fell asleep wondering if he was lucky enough to fall asleep again to the same image over and over.


	6. Blood Streaks Against The White Porcelai

Kakashi hadn't noticed before, but Sakura rarely touched his hands unless she had to. He slowly realized that she only touched them if she was washing blood away or reiterating how much she loved them. She, of course, would happily hold his hand if he reached out for her, but she never initiated it. She usually would just settle for his arm and without any complaint. He always appreciated that about her. She never complained about it or tried to get him to get over it. She just accepted it for what it was. Like she did with so many other things about him.

* * *

It wasn't like he wasn't still affectionate with her. He held her and kissed her. Sometimes he wrapped his arm around her waist as they walked or rested a hand on her thigh in a restaurant. It was easy to do these things, _natural_. They had both wanted it for so long, it just worked that way. They had already crossed so many boundaries before even getting this far, the only thing that changed was the physical aspect.

Kakashi felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest and had felt so content these past few weeks with her. The only anxiety he'd had was how others would react. He didn't want Sakura's name to be thrown around in gossip because of him. He didn't want her to feel those prying and curious eyes he'd felt most of his life. Without even saying so to one another, they kept their relationship subtle. Kakashi would be surprised if anyone outside their circle of friends knew. According to Gai, they had been obvious enough _before_ getting into a relationship, so to most people nothing had changed. Either way, Kakashi didn't care what anyone thought. He just worried about any stress that would be put on to Sakura.

Their weeks together had been nice - _more than nice_ and he'd been waiting for something to ruin it. It had come this morning in the form of a porcelain mask tapping on Sakura's window this morning to tell him to report to the Godaime. He hadn't ever felt so much reluctance for a mission scroll before, but he felt it this time. He'd become selfish - or maybe it was just _more_ selfish – and hadn't wanted to leave Sakura that morning.

He could still picture her sleepy smile this morning and the sad acceptance in her eyes. Her hair had been a beautiful mess falling around her body and onto the mattress like paint on a canvas. She'd worn a small black lace gown to bed that revealed the various red marks across her skin. It'd taken him a while to get used to them, Sakura repeatedly telling him they were _love marks_. Her drowsy and sweet voice telling him to be careful after she kissed him goodbye. He could still feel the warmth from her lips on his and he hoped this mission wouldn't be a long one.

After Tsunade handed him his mission scroll, he skimmed through it as she briefly explained his objectives. But he paused in confusion at one of the details. "This isn't a solo mission like my previous ones?"

Tsunade shook her head at her desk. "No, this will be your last ANBU mission for me, Kakashi. It's going to tie together everything you've been doing in a nice neat bow. I need someone to go with you. This one will probably be more difficult than the others and I want you to have support."

Kakashi nodded, wishing he'd had prior knowledge of this so he could pick a partner. "I understand, Tsunade-sama. But I'm not familiar enough with the current ANBU members to pick someone myself. Perhaps Tenzou could –"

Tsunade cut him off with a small smile, "That won't be necessary, Kakashi. I've already picked someone."

Kakashi visibly relaxed having had the task taken from him. "Then, if I could read their file so I can begin to –"

Tsunade met his eyes and interrupted him again. "It's Sakura."

Though there was still a warmness he felt from the name, it was overshadowed by a fear that made his blood run cold. He stared at the woman in obvious shock and confusion. "What?"

"Sakura, Kakashi. Haruno Sakura. She is your partner for this mission," Tsunade held his eyes as she answered.

Kakashi immediately protested, "Sakura isn't an ANBU member. She doesn't have the training for this kind of mission."

Tsunade scoffed and looked at him offended. "Sakura was also _my_ student, Hatake. _My_ apprentice. I know better than anyone what she is capable of. I wouldn't assign her to this kind of mission if I didn't think she could handle it."

Kakashi felt a sudden panic start rise inside of him and he took a step towards the Hokage desk. "She still doesn't have the clearance for this! Am I supposed to hide all of the mission details from her?"

Tsunade glanced away from him and into a drawer in her desk. She nodded and answered him simply, "Yes."

Kakashi huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked to Shizune who was standing silently beside Tsunade. She only smiled meekly at him and gave a small shrug. He continued to argue with Tsunade as she poured herself a cup of sake. He couldn't help when his voice turned cold and he spoke bluntly, "Pick someone else."

Tsunade laughed and looked up at him. "Excuse me?"

Kakashi didn't back down even though a voice in the back of his head warned this was defiance against his Hokage. He didn't care. He repeated, "Pick _someone else_."

Tsunade looked to the side and shook her head with a smile. She sighed. "Kakashi, Sakura is the most qualified to go with you. She has more strength and skills than anyone in ANBU and her medical skills are even beyond mine. I want both members of this squad to come back alive from this mission. Sakura is the best chance at that."

Kakashi was losing ground and he couldn't argue with anything she had said. She was correct in everything she'd said about Sakura. She _did_ have incredible strength and skills. But that wasn't why he didn't want her to go on this mission. _It was too dangerous._ He could barely handle protecting himself on these missions, he couldn't confidently say he could protect her too. Even though she'd beat the hell out of him if he ever thought she needed protecting. She didn't. But he couldn't _chance_ this. Not her life. He couldn't lose her.

He tried one more angle. His heart beat out of rhythm in his chest from both nerves and fear. He cleared his throat and met Tsunade's eyes when she looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. "Sakura and I are in a romantic relationship. It is strictly against the rules for lovers to be assigned to the same missions. She can't go."

To his surprise, Tsunade didn't even blink at him before responding, "I'm making an exception for this mission. Kakashi, I can't risk your life. She's the one who needs to go with you."

Kakashi just stared at her, trying to process the emotions and thoughts that were coursing through him. His mind wasn't working fast enough. He needed to convince her. _He had to._

Tsunade sighed in front of him and looked down at her sake cup. "I'm selfish, Kakashi. I'm sorry."

He waited for her to explain and after she took a drowned her cup, she did. "Of course, I personally care about you too. But my reasons for this are mainly for Sakura. I would never forgive myself if I sent the man she loves on a suicide mission." She looked back up at him with a small smile. "That's what it would be without her going. If I sent you alone, you wouldn't come back. If I sent you with someone else, you _might_ come back and they might not or vice versa."

No matter what she said, Kakashi couldn't shake the fear that he was feeling. He bit out, "My life isn't worth Sakura's."

"This isn't going to kill her, Kakashi. I'm sending her, _because_ she'll make it back alive. You think I'd send her if I thought otherwise?" Tsunade looked at him with a cocked eyebrow.

"No." Kakashi ran his fingers through his hair and stepped towards her. "But Tsunade-sama –"

Tsunade reached out and grabbed on to his wrist. He hadn't even realized he'd put his hands on the desk and was leaning towards her. "Sakura is _strong_ , Kakashi. Believe in her. She's going to make sure you get back home and you're going to make sure she does. I don't have any doubts on this."

Kakashi let out a deep breath, if it was a little shaky Tsunade didn't comment on it. Tsunade wasn't going to change her mind and him wasting both of their time wasn't going to benefit anyone. He'd need to brief Sakura and look over the mission a few more times before they left. He nodded numbly at her. "Okay, Tsunade-sama."

Tsunade patted his hand comfortingly and offered him a smile. She met his eyes seriously. "Kakashi, you're going to need to calm down. If you're panicked and worried throughout this mission, you'll only endanger yourself and Sakura. It will be alright."

Kakashi attempted a smile at her, thankful for his mask because it probably looked nowhere near happy. He nodded to her again and Shizune before stepping out of the office.

Sakura could tell he was itching to ask her to go decline the mission. But he knew she wouldn't even if he begged her. It would've been the same as a few months ago when she asked him to. So, after telling her everything and going over the mission, he simply asked her, "Are you ready?"

Sakura nodded and smiled when he pulled her close to him. She hugged him back, hoping his obvious nerves would calm down soon. He let out a deep breath from where his head rested on her shoulder. When he leaned away he kissed her and it was different from their other kisses, more desperate. She kissed him back and told him with a warm smile, "Kashi, it's going to be okay."

He met her eyes and nodded with a sigh. He gave her one last kiss before pulling his porcelain mask over his face. Sakura missed his eyes instantly. "I'll meet you at the gates in an hour."

Sakura nodded, understanding why he stepped away from her after putting his mask on. She watched as he slipped out of her window to head back to his apartment. She stared longingly at the window long after he had gone. She knew the mission wasn't going to be an easy one, but she was mainly worried about Kakashi. She had seen how off he'd been when he'd came by to tell her. How agitated and anxious he was. She knew it was because he was worried about _her_ coming with him.

She didn't know how to calm him down, though. Well, she _did_ but there wasn't enough time. She sighed and turned to her room to pack her things.

Sakura missed Kakashi. He was just a few feet from her but he felt so far away. Ever since they left, they hadn't been Sakura and Kakashi, they had been _Hound_ and _Haruno_. It was to help distance their personal relationship from the mission, so they didn't make any clouded judgements. Especially on an ANBU mission, it was even more necessary with the danger already increased. She'd agreed with him and he'd look so relieved it was hard to go back on it.

But now they were spending the night in an inn. They were in separate beds under the pretense of travelling siblings. Sakura had wanted to be a married couple, but then it would be even harder to not let their personal feelings get in the way of the mission. With each moment, it was becoming more glaringly obvious why lovers weren't assigned to the same missions.

She'd gotten so used to having him sleep beside her, his warmth holding her and the sound of his heartbeat lulling her to sleep. They'd been like that for months. It wasn't the first time she'd slept by herself, but having him so close to her yet still far away made it hard for her to sleep. It'd been hours since they'd laid down and she was starting to become frustrated that she was still awake. She wasn't sure if Kakashi had fallen asleep hours ago, or if he was struggling just as much as her. The thought that their mission was officially starting tomorrow was weighing down on her and she knew she needed to be fully rested for it.

She got out of her bed and quietly walked over to Kakashi's. She didn't check to see if he was sleeping and just slipped in beside him under the covers. She cuddled against his side and instantly felt a strong arm wrapped around her pulling her closer. His voice was tired, but she could tell he hadn't been sleeping. He asked her softly, "Misaki, what're you doing?"

 _Misaki_. It had only been a day since they had slipped into their aliases, but it still felt odd to hear that instead of the loving way Kakashi would say _Sakura_. She tightened her arm around his torso, resting her head on his chest. She mumbled back, "I couldn't sleep."

He chuckled quietly. "Me neither."

They were quiet as they laid there and Sakura instantly felt better with Kakashi around her. She was more comfortable and knew she'd be able to fall asleep soon. Kakashi's fingers came up to lightly comb through her hair and it felt so soothing. She started to drift to sleep hearing him promise her, "It'll all be over soon, then we can go home."

Kakashi was cold and methodic as his sword sliced through an enemy shinobi's chest to stab through the next one's stomach. The numbers slowly ticked down and he could hear the pants and yells coming from behind him as Sakura took out her own opponents with the cracking of bones and the ground breaking.

Kakashi's breaths came out heavy and fast as his eyes scanned the area in front of him. The air was eerily silent with no one around. Then, he noticed Sakura's side was also quiet. He felt an edge of panic creeping up on him as he turned towards where he'd last spotted her. The relief he felt when he saw her standing over a corpse was almost overwhelming. Her shoulders were moving up and down as she breathed and she covered in mud and spots of blood.

Kakashi ran over to her and she faced him with a pained smile. He felt his heart stop as he noticed her arm gripping her bloody stomach. She reached up for his mask and held it like it was his face. He could already imagine the red streaks her fingers left. Her voice was breathless, obviously holding back pained gasps as she asked him, "Are you hurt?"

Kakashi barely managed to shake his head as he stared at her with wide eyes hidden behind porcelain. She nodded and her eyes fell to his chest. "Good."

She looked like she was about to pass out so Kakashi grabbed her shoulders to steady her. One shaky hand went to her stomach and pulled up her shirt to her breasts. He gently moved her hand that was glowing dimly just far enough away for him to look. She had a long gash that went all the way across her stomach. Kakashi's mind focused on all the blood, how Sakura's beautifully tanned skin was barely visible from all the red. Sakura's other hand gripped his tightly and his eyes went to the movement seeing his blood-soaked hand leaving red marks on her small hand. He almost instinctively pulled away but her grip tightened and her voice came out firm. "Hey, look at me."

His eyes met hers, his heart beating painfully too hard in his chest. "I'm going to be okay, alright? But you need to help me lay down or something. I can barely stand."

Kakashi nodded and did a quick search of the area again before slowly leading her to a tree. He helped her lean against it and she sunk to the ground with sweat glistening across her forehead. He crouched down beside her feeling helpless as she tried to even out her breathing as she applied pressure to her wound, the area glowing a soft green.

She glanced at him reaching out for him with her free hand. He grabbed it relieved by how warm she still felt and interlocked their fingers. She smiled tiredly at him and told him, "I'm not cruel, you know. If I was going to die, I would prepare you."

Kakashi nodded with a faint smile she couldn't see. He grabbed the edge of his mask and pulled it off. Sakura looked like she was about to protest as he pulled down his nylon mask too, but he said, "No one's around, Sakura."

He leaned forward and have her a small kiss on the lips. She sighed against him. "I don't have enough chakra to close the wound." Kakashi only had a moment to look at her panicked before she continued, "I just need you to help me stitch it up."

He let go of her hand to dig into the pouch that was strapped to her leg and pulled out the needle and medical thread. Before he started, he summoned the ninpack to stand guard in case more enemies came. Each of them glanced at Sakura worriedly, haven not seen her that bent out of shape in years, and she gave them reassuring smiles before they bounded off to check the forest around them.

Sakura barely flinched as he sewed her wound up, but he could tell that she was looking more worn out with each second. No matter what she said, he couldn't stop the worry that was eating at him. "You're sure you'll be alright?"

Sakura nodded with a smile, her hand coming up to lightly comb through his hair. "I healed all the damage the blade had caused on the inside. Having a few stitches because I couldn't close it isn't going to kill me. I just feel a little exhausted from it."

Kakashi disinfected her wound and then felt Sakura's hand slip inside his vest and press against his chest. When he felt her chakra working at him, he tried to pull away from her. But she grabbed his arm with her other hand to keep him still. "I have enough chakra to heal your ribs because yes I did notice you broke some. You're going to have to carry me back and I don't want you to be in pain."

Kakashi sighed frustrated, though he knew she was right. "I don't want you to be chakra depleted."

She shrugged. "And I want to go home. If you're ribs start bothering you on our way back, it will just take longer." She met his eyes with a teasing smile. "I've seen you do it so many times over the years, I'm sure I'll live."

Kakashi rolled his eyes. "You really shouldn't be modelling your life after my stupidity."

"Not modelling, just picking bits and pieces after I know they work." Sakura smiled at him and Kakashi already felt like he was home.

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "Well then, I'll gladly be your guinea pig then."

* _a couple days later_ *

"Take me home," Sakura nearly commanded in an almost laughable serious tone.

Kakashi raised an amused eyebrow at her from the doorway to her hospital room. "Sakura-chan, you've only been in here a couple of days. You know it takes a few days for your chakra replenish, sometimes _two weeks_." Kakashi teased her, using her own words against her.

She narrowed her eyes at him and looked out the window. "I don't think I've ever stayed in the hospital this long. It's…miserable."

Kakashi chuckled and walked towards the bed. "Now you know how I feel when you try and force me to stay in this sullen place."

Sakura looked back at him as he sat at the edge of her bed. She rolled her eyes. "I don't think the hospital is _sullen_ , but it is _boring_. I'm just here because of chakra exhaustion, it's not like I'm _injured_. I'd rather relax at home."

Kakashi held back a laugh as he mimicked her, "Even so, the medics need to be able to watch over you."

She huffed with a glare. "I _am_ a medic. As a matter of fact, I _run_ this place. I think I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

Kakashi sighed dramatically, though he'd already planned to steal her away. He did it just to rile her up. _She was always so cute when she was mad._ "I'll take you home. But next time, _I_ want to escape from the hospital and you insist that I need to be taken care of, you can come be my _personal nurse_."

He smiled mischievously at her as she muttered, "Pervert."

Kakashi cocked an eyebrow at her. "So, deal or do you want to spend the next week staring at the white walls and eating crummy food?"

Sakura's face softened as she sighed and reached out for his hand. "Take me home."

Kakashi held up the bag he'd brought with him and handed it to her. She peeked inside and looked at him surprised. "You were already going to take me home, weren't you?"

Kakashi grinned. "I already signed you out."

She narrowed her eyes at him but he could see that she was fighting a smile. Then, she mumbled something under her breath about next time she won't be fooled into making dirty deals. He laughed and helped her out of the bed and into her civilian clothes. She was still feeling a little weak but he could tell she was trying to not let it show so he didn't comment on how heavily she leaned into him when they walked out of the room. He kept his arm wrapped securely around her waist as they walked and she hugged his torso.

They were almost out of the hospital when a young medic came running up to them worriedly. "Sakura-sensei! You shouldn't be out of bed! Where are you going?"

They stopped when she reached them looking a little breathless. Sakura smiled at her. "Akiko, I'm fine. I'm going to go rest at home instead since Kakashi can take care of me there."

Akiko glanced at him, eyeing him up and down with assessing eyes. She looked back to Sakura. "But Sakura-sensei, it's still too soon. I'd rather you be in the presence of medics. The wound on your stomach –"

Sakura interrupted her with the patience of a mother, "Is perfectly healed now. You don't need to worry about me. I can handle myself and Kakashi will be with me. If something happens to me, you can blame it on him." Sakura jerked a thumb behind her.

Akiko bit the inside of her cheek, looking like she wanted argue further but not knowing how to. Kakashi thought she must have been around sixteen at the most. It was clear that she admired Sakura and looked up to her just by her worry. Sakura sighed and told her, "If you want to come check on me tomorrow, I won't mind. Just to show you that I'm not overdoing it and am listening to the doctor's orders." Sakura winked at her and the girl chuckled.

She nodded and looked to Kakashi. She pointed a finger at him. "You better take care of her."

Kakashi nodded seriously. "Yes ma'am."

She smiled satisfied and walked away from them and back out on the floor. Sakura let out a soft laugh as they walked out the doors. She told him, "Akiko was my first student a few years ago. I think she's gotten a little attached to me."

"I can tell." Kakashi chuckled and then added thoughtfully, "She reminds me of you when you were younger."

Sakura laughed. "I can see that. But I never would have let you walk out of the hospital."

"Probably why I always had to sneak out instead."

Sakura rolled her eyes at him, but he could see her smile that she was trying to fight. He could also see how tired she looked from just the short walk they had taken and they were still quite a ways from her apartment. Kakashi offered, "I could carry you?"

Sakura glared at him and said stubbornly, "No, thanks. I can manage."

Kakashi sighed and tried a different tactic. "It's been a couple weeks since we've been able to relax. It'd be nice if you weren't so tired from this walk that you sleep for another twelve hours. I've missed you nagging me."

A light pink grazed Sakura's cheeks and she hit him playfully on the arm. "I do not _nag_."

Kakashi simply raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed in defeat. "Fine. It's just so mortifying having you carry me on your back."

Kakashi teased her, "I could carry you bridal style?"

Sakura's blush deepened and she shook her head. They stopped for the few seconds it took for him to help her get on his back. Sakura relaxed against him and he heard let out a tired sigh. He bit his tongue from telling her _I told you so_. She would probably have a lot of opportunities to say it back in the future.

Kakashi could tell Sakura was forcing herself to stay awake. Her breathing had slowed and her arms around his neck were almost slack. She rambled softly to him about a dream she'd had with silver haired children with green eyes. He'd smiled to himself as she talked, feeling a warmth growing in his chest. He was sure she was almost asleep now, because he didn't think she would contumaciously admit that to him so soon after they'd gotten together worried it would scare him off.

But it didn't. Kakashi felt lighter with each step he took, despite the weight on his back. The weight only made him stronger. _She_ made him stronger, both emotionally and physically. He hadn't ever really considered children before, but he felt like if their mother was Sakura the thought of them didn't scare him. As he walked, he had the same dream as hers, imagining small children giggling and running around him.


	7. Giggles with a Stuffed Turtle

* _three years later_ *

Kakashi's knee bounced absent mindedly as he sat at his desk with his arm wrapped around a small toddler. She had a stuffed turtle in her hands – courtesy of Gai – that she seemed to be very distracted by if her quiet giggles were anything to go by. Her silver hair was pinned up in spiky pigtails with red ribbons. Her dress was a soft pink that complimented her eyes and it wasn't difficult to guess who her parents were.

In Kakashi's defense, he _was_ still working. He read through proposals and mission reports while keeping close to his daughter. So, when Sakura came into the office with an exasperated sigh, she was overreacting. _Like always._

" _Kashi_." She laughed and shook her head at him. "You need to stop going to Ino's and picking up Akiko. You're never going to get any work done and neither am I if Shikamaru has to keep complaining to me that you're too distracted by the baby."

Kakashi scoffed and kissed Akiko's cheek, making her giggle as she reached out her chubby hands to her mother. "I am _not_. Shikamaru's just jealous because he's still waiting for Ino to pop."

Sakura rounded the desk and picked up Akiko from Kakashi's arms, making him pout. She raised an eyebrow at him. "He said when a daimo jokingly said your wife should always be his personal escort, you nodded and replied _mah, she's a wonderful woman_."

Kakashi couldn't even recall who she was talking about. "Did I really?"

She laughed and turned her head to Akiko, letting her grab onto her finger and swing it around. She cooed at her, "Didn't he, Akiko? Didn't Daddy offer up Mommy to some old wrinkled lord? Huh?"

Akiko giggled when Sakura pressed a wet kiss to her cheek. Kakashi sighed as he watched them, that familiar ache in his chest again. He reached out for Sakura's waist and pulled her closer. She looked down at him with a warm expression before taking Akiko's place on his lap. She pecked his cheek and smiled at him. "It's okay, Kakashi. You just can't bring Akiko to the office every day. Babies don't belong in politics."

Kakashi leaned his head against hers and let Akiko grab his other finger. She smiled and shook both of their fingers with wonder in her eyes, her beloved turtle forgotten in her lap. "I just miss her. It was better when you weren't working and would bring her by at lunch every day. I never would've told Tsunade yes if I knew you were going to get pregnant a month later."

Sakura sighed. "I know. But soon enough and Naruto will be ready. You said so yourself, didn't you?" The way she looked at him with hopeful eyes reminded him that he wasn't the only one doing the _missing_.

Kakashi was happy he didn't have to crush that hope and told her with a smile. "I was going to give him the good news when he gets back from Suna."

Sakura's face brightened and her eyes fell back on Akiko as she shifted in her lap. She'd lost interest in their fingers and was now trying to climb over to Kakashi, reaching for his mask. Kakashi chuckled and took her from Sakura, lifting her up in the air and making her giggle as she made grabby hands at his face. "You're just like your mother, always trying to slip under my mask."

Sakura snorted and Kakashi brought Akiko closer so she could tug on his mask. He helped her pull it down and then planted kisses all over her face. Sakura was quiet as she watched him play with her. She had a loving smile on her face and she rested her head against Kakashi's shoulder. "I thought it was time for me to go back to the hospital, but maybe I should've eased more into it. You should have told me you weren't ready for me to go back. "

"I didn't know I wasn't." Kakashi shrugged and held Akiko against his chest. "But I didn't expect a lot about how this would all feel. To have a _family_. I never thought I would have any of this. I'm still trying to get used to it."

Sakura felt a warmth in her chest as it tightened and she leaned forward to give Kakashi a sweet kiss. She assured him, "Well, you do now and you _deserve_ it. You're a good man, Kakashi, and an even better _father_."

He smiled at her, his free hand coming up to brush her hair out of her face. He wondered if he would ever get used to how Sakura made him feel. If he'd ever become good enough to match all the amazing things she had given him. Support. Love. Hope. Strength. Peace. _A family._

She glanced at Akiko before telling him, "How about I ease back into returning to the field? I'll request to be taken off the mission rooster and only check in with the hospital every few days or so. At least until, Naruto takes over. Even then, I don't think I'll work as much as I have been. I'll still take missions, but not as many." She bit her lip and tore her eyes away from her daughter to meet his eyes. She chuckled. "I've been pretty miserable too. The only reason I even know how much you've been stealing Akiko from Ino's is because _I_ went there to see her. You just always beat me to it."

Kakashi felt the tension release from his muscles and he hugged Akiko a little tighter. Sakura met him halfway when he leaned forward to kiss her again. He told her against her lips, "I love you."

Sakura melted against him and the way she sighed and said the same thing back was something he _knew_ he'd never get over.


End file.
